In this blog, I will be working and playing with two
of the patterns that we worked on in class this week. I will be incorporating long sentence(s) followed by a very short
sentence and two closely related
sentences joined by a semicolon. The reason in which I chose these two
patterns is because it will make my writing have better flow and more significance.
Different types of sentences will make my audience or reader more intrigued to
keep reading because it will prevent a monotonous sentence flow. To start off I’m
going to be working with the first pattern I introduced and am going to use
just made up examples, like we did in class all week. This week involves my 21st birthday, along with the Juicy J
concert and the Super Bowl; it’s going to be one long week. I’m going to die. [Long
sentence(s) followed by a very short sentence] In this example, the purpose of
this type of pattern is too put emphasis on the short sentence that follows the
long one. The long sentence explains the situation which is occurring then the
short one is the ending result that has the final punch of what’s going on. In
this example, I explain what is going on in my life for the week, and then in
my short sentence I tell the ending result of what’s occurring. I believe in
using this pattern for my writing it will allow for my papers to have better
flow from idea to idea and will keep myself from having boring sentence
structures. Another example showing usage of this pattern is as followed: In baseball there has been a development in
the game, its changing from strategic ways of winning to relying on the big
home runs and plays to be successful. What a shame it is. Baseball’s new
development has changed the way in which teams coach, draft players and are
ran. [Long sentence(s) followed by a very short sentence] The other type of
pattern that I want to start using in my writing is two closely related
sentences joined by a semicolon. The reason in which I want to start including
this pattern is because it allows for me to combine two like sentences and keep
them closely jointed so it has more meaning and flow for the audience. Here is
an example of this pattern: I always
have loved sports they are good for you as a person; helping yourself develop
as a person with good morals and discipline. [Two closely related sentences
joined by a semicolon] This pattern’s definition is exactly what it does for
sentence structure; it mixes in a new style in which ideas can be combined.
After playing around with these patterns I am going to make a much stronger
effort to plug them into my writing because it will make it better in all
aspects.
Hey Josh, it was nice to see three different times you used the grammar patterns rather than just one each. In your first example where you have one long sentence followed by a short sentence, I like your short sentence at the end, but because you use a semi-colon followed by a short phrase in the sentence before it, that sentence that's supposed to sound long really sounds like two short sentences. I hadn't thought of this circumstance being an issue before, though, so this is new to me, too. I feel like that first example could work as an example of where to use a semi-colon, though, since you're also practicing that. In your second example, I'm assuming "What a shame it is" is your short sentence (because it is the shortest one). Your comma in the first sentence, though, should not be a comma, but a semi-colon or a period because what's on either side of it could be a complete sentence. I understand that it's hard to come up with longer sentences on the spot, but I noticed that when you were writing the rest of this post, you used longer sentences, so maybe try practicing this pattern again when you already have long sentences written; then, you can add a short sentence into the mix to add "emphasis," like you said. Finally, in your third example, the comma and semi-colon should actually be switched. You did the same thing you did before where you separated two complete clauses with a comma, when it needs more than that. Again, I encourage you to take a piece of writing you've already done or are working on, and decide where a semi-colon would be useful, or where a short sentence would be useful. I hope that helps!
ReplyDeleteReally nice writing. As I was reading, I couldn't help but notice some things that could be changed to help the flow. For example: Baseball’s new development has changed the way in which teams coach, draft players and are ran. For this, I would simply take out the "and". Another: I always have loved sports they are good for you as a person; helping yourself develop as a person with good morals and discipline. This sentance is hard to read and could be changed to say, "I have always loved sports. Sports are good for personal development; helping yourself develop as a person with morals and discipline." Maybe not the best revision... but those were some things that stood out to me.
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